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Secrets of communicating with a confident person

 Secrets of communicating with a confident person


Secrets of communicating with a confident person

And now, dear readers, we would like to talk about the peculiarities of communication with leaders - with a confident person (not to confuse a leader with a leader), a monster of one of the two sexes. Why is this so important?

The fact is that every dynamically developing leader is financially interested in having as many employees with leadership qualities in his business as possible. One of the ways to solve this problem is to develop leadership qualities in your employees. The second way is to invite already formed leaders from business or government structures to the business. And for this you need to be able to speak with them in their language and take into account some of their features, characteristic only of self-confident people.

The first thing that you, dear reader, should remember that the presence of confidence or the ability to take responsibility in no way guarantees decency, ethics, intelligence, commitment - rather the opposite. And although many of these listed qualities are present in leaders to one degree or another, you should always check for their presence. And in their absence, behave in such a way that your case does not suffer from this.

Second. There is a misconception that communicating with a confident person will automatically become more confident. This is not entirely true, or rather, it is not at all true. The fact is that energetically a person is arranged in such a way that a stronger energy center “takes away” (attracts like a magnet) the energy of a weaker one. And in a situation when a confident leader and an uncertain leader communicate automatically, the energy of the leader automatically increases, and not the confident one, respectively, decreases. This happens automatically, unless you specifically change or do anything. And what can be done to prevent this from happening? For this, wise, self-confident leaders do not put pressure on their subordinates, but constructively delegate a part of their responsibility to them, helping them to fulfill their obligations.

As an example, one can cite a communication situation of one of my acquaintances - an entrepreneur, which I witnessed by chance. To make the reader more vividly imagine the situation, a few words about the main person - Valera is the owner of a number of shops, cafes and other lovely places. By his bodily constitution, a big guy is blood and milk with natural protection from frost in the form of a reserve of energy in the body “for a rainy day”. He speaks in a low voice, knows not only literary Russian, and when the words are not entirely clear to the interlocutor, he adds as one of the arguments manual influence based on his boxing past. It seems that I briefly described it, now let's get back to the situation. Valery and I are sitting together drinking coffee on the second floor of his "modest" three-story cafe in the city center. An asthenic-looking young waiter comes to us and in a timid quiet voice asks looking at the weighty owner of coffee what he wants. Before that, we talked and Valera spoke in his usual bass, but when he answered the waiter, Valera bent slightly (usually his chest is a wheel, not his back), his voice suddenly became at times quiet and a little higher. He replied somewhere like this: "Andrei really wants to eat, what we have hot, tell me" when the waiter began to list the dishes his voice suddenly became more confident and a little lower. Valera, I chose something and when the waiter walked away I didn’t fail to wonder if my friend was sick and why he stopped speaking like an ordinary monster starting the phrase with the personal pronoun “I” and ending the phrase with the imperative verb, inserting the name in the conclusion before the verb. Valera in a loud whisper told me the secret of the dramatic change. He explained that this guy is from the new shift and is still afraid of the people, and since the cafe (my free interception is actually a club) is located in the center of the city, the people come here accordingly. And if the waiter will be frightened, then the clients will not stay, and if he is not even afraid of the owner, then he will behave much more confidently, more natural and relaxed with ordinary visitors.

A successful leader can transfer some of the energy to a subordinate in the form of a compliment , encouragement, recognition, and a request for help. And the subordinate himself can resist the overflow (loss) of his energy. If they stop comparing themselves to a leader, engage in self-criticism and self-criticism, and begin to look at the leader as an example to follow in business matters.

A truly reasonable decision for an insecure person is not the very fact of formal communication with a confident person, but communication in order to learn the behavior, habits, thinking, and business principles that exist in the leader.

Third. If you decide to learn from the leader his secrets of success, how to do it? The answer suggests itself: see how he does it. You do not always have time for this, and not all leaders are ready to devote so much time to you. There is a second option - to ask: "How do you do this?" Yes, this is the correct answer, but remember that effective, active people often do not know how they do it because they simply have a talent for this, which means that answering questions about methods of achievement is not their strong point. From our experience of asking such questions, it follows that only professional lecturers and trainers (unfortunately, often more to the talker than to the practitioners), who in these stories “ate the dog”, answer such questions in the best way. The rest will either smile, as they think, at your mockery, or they will send you away. But in fact, the secrets of their success exist and they can be found out, and for this you just need to ask the right questions. Remember, when asking a question to a serious leader, immediately offer 3-4 possible answers.

For example. Anatoly Mikhailovich, tell me, why did you pay him a bonus when firing a thieving employee?

- This is due to the fact that you do not want to spoil your relationship with him, what if this person is useful in the future?
- Does your former employee have influential relatives and would you not want to spoil your relationship with them?
- Do you think that you yourself did not finalize and created a situation favorable for theft and therefore do not consider him to be guilty?
- Or do you think that God will punish him more?  

And then your interlocutor will not feel like a guinea pig, cornered, not knowing the correct answer. He will only clarify your option, trying it on to his situation.

As an option, albeit a sarcastic form from Pugacheva to Zhirinovsky.

"My question is 1. This is part of the image you are allowed from above. 2. These are gaps in your upbringing. 3. Or God forbid, God forbid, what is it associated with neurosis."

Fourth. You must remember that a person with leading leadership qualities is a businessman, entrepreneur, military man, athlete most often lives by the priority of benefits, rather than ethics or creativity. Therefore, sometimes it happens that you agree with him at his word, and then the circumstances change and it becomes unprofitable for him to fulfill the promise given to you, and he will not fulfill it. The kid said the kid forgot, or I wanted the king gave the word he wanted to take it. For example, some bankers during the 2008 crisis received assistance from the state to fulfill their obligations to clients. But it turned out that it was not profitable for them. Therefore, they first speculated by buying and selling the dollar, and then transferred the money abroad. Then they declared themselves bankrupt. At the same time, no remorse - purely business. So, you must be ready for this.

A confident person can be not only at the age of 30-40, when he was formed as a person, but also at 15, 10, 5 and even 2 years. If he has innate leadership qualities. So, in childhood, a child's confidence is manifested in the perseverance of his demands or whims. How do you deal with this kind of confidence? For example, when we go to the store with our 5 year old "monster", while still at home, we agree with the child that we will buy (one) for her. And when we come to the store, we buy what we agreed on last, thus relieving stress, and we make purchases for the family at the beginning, prioritizing.

* Excerpt from the book "Leader and Confidence." Alexander Ilyinsky

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