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Confidence and fear of death

Confidence and fear of death 


Confidence and fear of death

The fear of death, the fear of thinking about death this is the flip side of the instinct for self-preservation. Animals have such an instinct, but there is no "fear of death" - because animals, like, by the way, both small children and some adults with childish thinking, mostly live in the present day. Instinct protects them from today's potential danger; but as soon as the danger is avoided, that which threatened is already forgotten. Until the next moment of threat. 

The man gradually began, let's say, to generalize and predict aspects of his existence, to analyze the fact that "yesterday I lived - today I live - it means that I will live tomorrow as well." And in fact, the fact that "tomorrow I will live" is a continuation of the usual mode of existence and, in general, gives some pleasant sensations (at least the same stability). 

On the other hand, generalizations and forecasts induce to think somehow at least about "HOW I will live tomorrow" - and in the end about "will I live tomorrow at all." More precisely, it is scary to even think that "tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, sometime in the future I may not be."


After all, death is, first of all, for many people a transition to another UNCONTENTED status - incomprehensibility is most often frightening. Change "it is not known what". And here the human instinct of self-preservation, supported by the desire to predict and analyze the future at least a few days in advance, as well as the desire "so that nothing changes abruptly", at an unconscious level, as it were, says: "It is not known what is needed for this serious change in status Avoid in every possible way.

 Precisely in every possible way - even in thoughts! " Therefore, even the thought of "what will happen if I die" is usually unpleasant, negative, frightening.

     Although, of course, there are exceptions. Here's a fact, for example: a lonely woman buried her only adult son, and put a monument on his grave: for two. On the monument, next to the name of the son and the dates of his birth and death, both the mother's name and surname and the year of her birth were engraved. The year of death was: not yet written. So to speak, I made a monument to myself in advance.

It seems that "a man thinks about his death, and it is quite rational": However, for this woman this could be since psychologically, after such a loss, such a trauma, she seemed to "left with her son."

 And if her convictions and the “animal instinct of self-preservation” that is available so far do not allow her to do it physically, then at least she did it “formally”. And if she manages to somehow adapt, this monument will frighten her, and she will probably somehow dismantle it. 

And if the adaptation does not take place, it will most likely fade away rather quickly, alas: At least for some reason, the thought of her death at the time of the decision on such a monument was at least not scary to her, if not even pleasant. Contrary to the instinct of self-preservation.

By the way, about the pleasant-unpleasant: let's remember again about the amoeba mentioned in the article on sublimation. Even at the level of such a primitive being, movement towards something pleasant is already pleasant, but towards something unpleasant - no. But the fact of the matter is that in the amoeba, the concept of pleasant and unpleasant is more unambiguous than that of a person. That is why I said that the woman made a monument to herself, precisely "moving at that moment in her opinion to the pleasant" - to at least a formal reunion with her deceased son:

So not everyone and not always the thought of death a priori causes negative emotions. The same shahid, for example, sometimes blows himself up with a smile; however, before that he needs to spend, I beg your pardon, a long "brainwashing in a certain direction." That is why it is often said that people striving for death, calling for death despite their unconscious instincts: well, not that they are mentally ill, but sharply maladjusted to unnatural reactions.

 Perhaps only at a certain moment, or for some time, for one reason or another. Because this is not natural behavior for a human person (even so it can be said - for a human individual).

 And even when a person begins to "tickle his nerves" with these or those dangers, you can already think - for what such reasons he professes suicidal behavior? Is it because "life has gotten him"? Or because he thinks not as a rational person, but as an infantile person - today he escaped danger, and it is good (nice), but he has no fear of death because he does not think about what will happen to him tomorrow?

Many people suffering from the fear of death, and more often a more pronounced feeling called thanatophobia, are afraid of the process of going to sleep, the process of falling asleep. 

Often these are people with a pronounced hysterical component, because their sleep and death, in fact, in their perception are linked according to the principle "because one is similar to each other." Sleep is sometimes called an intermediate stage between life and death (including for this reason attaching great importance to dreams, attaching sufficient importance to them in the sense of "predictions of the future").

 But the deceased does not even dream? Like Shakespeare in Hamlet: "... forget, die, fall asleep, and dream, IT CAN BE" ... In any case, from the point of view of a materialist - a doctor, after death there are no dreams, no predictions for the future , there is no all that activity that is peculiar to us. Therefore, sleep and death are essentially two completely different things.

 It's another matter if a person is afraid to sleep because he has nightmares in which he dies - again, this is just an unpleasant sensation. But here it is already necessary to deal not with the fear of death as such, but with the cause of these dreams.

The fear of falling asleep (including the fear of going into a "state that is not like life", and the fear of dying in sleep) often arises after the procedure of general anesthesia. And this is not surprising. Anesthesia is not even a dream, but a parabiosis, "a state next to life." 

That is, we can say that the person who survived the anesthesia "was on the verge of life and death." And this being "on the brink of death" is also sometimes unpleasant for a person at an unconscious level (why is this unpleasantness felt even when consciousness is switched off). However, it is possible to "remove" the negative consequences of parabiosis by returning on the same psychoanalysis to the study of those visions and sensations that "frightened" a person during anesthesia (often people, being under anesthesia, see not even dreams, but some "pictures own unconscious ").

By the way, the severity of undergoing anesthesia also depends on the mood with which the patient goes to the operation: roughly speaking, he perceives himself "still in the territory of LIFE" or "one step away from DEATH" (that is, an assessment according to the principle "the glass is half full" or " glass is half empty ")? To what extent is he psychologically ready for this operation, how positively does he perceive it?

     Here is such an example, excuse me for the naturalistic details: one of my clients, a young woman, complained about the difficulty of falling asleep, which arose after the application of general anesthesia, made while scraping the uterine cavity. For what reason was scraping done? Spontaneous miscarriage during the desired pregnancy.

 Where did you do it? In the gynecological department of the most ordinary hospital (because there was practically an "abortion in use" and the woman was taken away by the ambulance). Moreover, there were 10 people in the ward, and more and more women who came to have an abortion "at will" and took it easy and simple.

 They said: "Do not be afraid, you will be under anesthesia, like we do, watch cartoons!" One said that during the operation there was a sun around her and butterflies were flying, the other said that her favorite sweets were lying around, the third was watching some fascinating detective story: And my client saw the scene of her execution, almost complete. And this, as it turned out, was because she felt a sense of guilt: they say, “I could not keep the pregnancy”: who cannot give birth), as well as work with the censorship attitudes of the woman herself, etc.

So the pictures seen during anesthesia can also say a lot about the reasons that led to them: in fact, this is information from the pure open unconscious, which regards this operation as "a step not for life, but towards death:" (that is, not as positive for yourself, but as negative). That is why it is also advisable to prepare patients for a serious operation, especially for a planned one, psychologically.

: In general, people have been thinking for a long time, how to get around, to deceive this fear of death - because for those who want to know what will happen to him tomorrow, to imagine that "nothing will happen" is often simply unbearable! And then people came up with the afterlife. In the same way that those in need, for example, of friendship, often invent friends for themselves, following the path of least resistance. And here the afterlife and the immortality of the soul are invented - as a protection from psychotrauma at the thought that there will be nothing "or that" it is not known WHAT IS THERE, and it also scares. " to think that "nothing will happen to me and no one will demand anything from me", rather than that "I will go to some other world, I will burn there in some kind of hell,

... When we discussed the fear of death in the Master class, one of the participants recalled the TV series "The Client is Always Dead". 

They say, how is it - we say that the topic of death is unpleasant by its very biological essence, but a whole series is being filmed about it - it means that the topic is in great demand? his "pleasant-unpleasant" is not such unequivocal assessments. Firstly, sometimes people need to "come to the brink of death", and then MOVE FROM IT - that's just nice. 

Including all sorts of "extreme sports and other pastime" can be pleasant. And secondly, it is even more pleasant to be generally close to your death, not to approach your danger, but to look at someone else's danger, at someone else's threat (after all, to someone else's death) - and at the same time say to yourself: "And this is not about me, all this horror is not with me!" etc.

 Why do people involved in security propaganda often complain: no matter how much you show educational materials about the prevention of certain troubles, most people still think that "this will never happen to me." 

And this is already the work of that very preconsciousness, which persistently says “all this horror did not happen to you, and it will never happen to you.” True, this happens more with those who do not know how to predict well.

But one way or another, there is still a certain demand for action films, horror films, mystical thrillers and programs like "Highway Patrol". 

Including because a person at the end of such a film will look around, see himself in a comfortable armchair, having a cup of tea, in soft slippers, and say: "Well, something like that, this did not happen!" And for the sake of this "relaxation" at the end, explicit or unconscious, many people like this series. 

Besides, it is so interesting to look "beyond the edge of life" - and what is there? And it is advisable to look at someone else's expense - why, by the way, other people's deaths and other people's funerals are often so attracted to onlookers: Well, or at least films about death, funeral agencies and funeral rites.

By the way, I wrote not so long ago that our television, being especially "corpse-loving" a few years ago, so relishes other people's deaths in many ways also because its workers thus "receive a certain psychotherapy": "Thank God, all this is not with me. 

"In general, who sends fears around - as a rule, he is very afraid of something. The same Hitchcock, they say, was a rather decompensated, uncommunicative and cowardly child. And his work is a kind of "therapy with creative self-expression", the displacement of their complexes and fears "outside of themselves." 

And it is popular because it fell on fertile ground among viewers who also wanted to see something terrible - and then, at the end of the film, realize that "it did not happen to them": So the consumers of such TV shows are mostly those who just want to experience the same pleasure: "This is not my problem, not my grief, not my death." 

Of course, those who are also quite impressionable (sensitive) at the same time take serious risks, solving their problems in this way. For the sensation caused by excessive impressionability can override the "pleasure that death is someone else's" - among too sensitive people any negative is perceived to some extent as their own.

In general, even abstracting from the sensitivity - someone else's negative is unpleasant, but for someone it is pleasant. If a person, as they say, sucks himself - often he, especially not being too impressionable, decides the issue through the system "find those who are worse than you."

 Moreover, some of these people will help those who are worse off (to feel strong and in demand, and to solve their problem), and someone will simply be satisfied with the presence of those who are worse - they say, “my problem is not a problem, in -He still happens: "And it is clear that the" most significant third-party negative "for such a person will be someone else's death.

 Especially when, after the fear experienced in connection with this death, then you can take a breath that all this does not concern you.

In general, the desire for "someone else's misfortune", the desire to contemplate it is a sign of a certain own social decompensation. 

Although, of course, there is still a question - what is considered a decompensation. :)

     One client once said that he, as a respectable law-abiding driver, hates to see how reckless drivers on the roads drive at a red light, cut off, openly disregard the rules: He doesn’t because they create a certain danger on the roads, and this is a driver who does not violate maliciously SDA, unpleasant (like any movement TO DANGER).

 So, he said that he was experiencing a very nasty feeling because he did not have legislative, socially permissible levers to catch up with such a reckless driver and from the heart to kick him properly - not to drain his negativity, but as a punishment: "it is unpleasant for him to do it for this act, so that he does not do it again."

 And so, they say, when such boobies come across especially a lot during the day, but such a person cannot personally punish them within the framework of the law (and the proper structures do not always carry out this, alas) - then a person comes home, turns on some Highway Patrol and looks at how such a reckless driver was properly "punished" by pushing him into a ditch or at least sensitively butting at an intersection. 

Yes. this "regret about the impossibility of punishment" can also be considered a certain social decompensation :) "Although, - said this client, - if I see an accident where an innocent driver was injured due to the fault of such a reckless driver, it makes me worse:" pushing him into a ditch or at least sensitively butting at an intersection. 

Yes. this "regret about the impossibility of punishment" can also be considered a certain social decompensation :) "Although, - said this client, - if I see an accident where an innocent driver was injured due to the fault of such a reckless driver, it makes me worse:" pushing him into a ditch or at least sensitively butting at an intersection.

 Yes. this "regret about the impossibility of punishment" can also be considered a certain social decompensation :) "Although, - said this client, - if I see an accident where an innocent driver was injured due to the fault of such a reckless driver, it makes me worse:" 

And also about the therapy of other people's misfortunes, or "find the one who is worse." Alas, many become psychologists, psychotherapists, or at least volunteers on hotlines on this principle. For some time they experience pleasure both from the realization that they "help the suffering", and from the realization that "people have something that happens, my problems in comparison with this - ugh!" But problems arise when, in the absence of professional protection (and protection is not initially formed here, since there is precisely the main goal of PERCEPTION of everything heard) a kind of "overdose of someone else's negativity" occurs.

* * *

Concerning the fear of death of loved ones - this is a separate topic: Here the key scary word is "never": it just "does not fit in my head" that you will NEVER see this dear person again. Especially if the fearful person himself is poorly adapted to life, and is not independent psychologically or financially.

 Including because of the impossibility of perceiving this "never", people also invented an afterlife - "where we will finally see our departed relatives:" But at the same time, to be present at the funeral of a loved one or not is also an ambiguous problem.

 As you know, these rituals are done for the living. And it often happens that if you have not attended the funeral of someone close, it is difficult for you to perceive his death as a fact, or the feeling that you “did not say goodbye” oppresses: If this is possible, then it is advisable to attend the funeral (I also had to write that for this reason, children, especially adolescents, should not always be protected from funerals).

 And for someone, on the contrary, it is hard to see a loved one dead, in a coffin. In this case, it is better not to go to the funeral at all, so that other relatives may gossip about this:

Well, here, then, about the funeral. One well-known psychologist in one of his early books, with emphasized bravado and "emotional indifference", speaks of the fact of death, comparing it: with the life cycle of a light bulb. In his presentation, the ceremonies and celebrations of birth and commemoration, in comparison with the light bulb, look really either funny or absurd: "the light is on - everyone is happy, the light is on, it is on, then the light is off - everyone is crying; nine days, as there is no light, forty days: "On the one hand, it seems - in fact, all the funeral rites (since we are talking about death) in this presentation are absurd, and they say," why grieve so much?! " But the problem is that a person is not a light bulb, and he, unlike a serial electrical product, and at birth (or even before birth), and especially at the time of death has some socio-psychological connections and interactions. And talk about the same funeral rites (many of which, I agree, may be painful for someone, may seem absurd and unnecessary, may burden - because they originate from the same mega-family traditions :) that's so primitivizing and shocking - this is the other extreme. This is essentially a kind of "challenge to society", but without understanding the essence of the process being ridiculed - why this process is needed by this society and what it should protest against (say, against the obligatory attendance at a funeral if it is difficult for someone), and against what not.

 Perhaps, in the understanding of some psychologists, such statements are a kind of emotional-stressful psychotherapy, as well as frequent phrases directly on the topic "Just think, your child died - but are you alive? What, excuse me, did you hang up the snot? "(I am exaggerating again for clarity, but :) However, emotional-stress psychotherapy should also be a separate conversation. In particular, about who and how it can be shown to be used and who not.

* * *

: In general, it turns out something like this: to learn not to be afraid of death, you have to, excuse me, be stupid. Live only for today, do not analyze anything, do not predict, do not plan and do not look ahead. 

But even in this case, such a subject is unlikely to live for a long time: because, having lost the fear of death, he will not even be able to cross the street, because he will not need to pass the transport going along it. 

He will, in principle, involuntarily fall into such alterations, from which he may very soon not come out alive - and all because he is not afraid of death: he escaped danger at the moment - good, but what to do.

 to avoid it in the future is no longer important. So completely losing the fear of death is unreasonable and, again, from the point of view of self-preservation, it is unpleasant.

 Because, in fact, humanity still has this fear and has not atrophied in the course of evolution. However, one should not rush to the other extreme, cultivating thanatophobia out of the natural fear of death. If a person suddenly becomes obsessed with the fear of his death, this, if you like, is also some sign of external decompensation: his brain, excuse me, has nothing else to do except chew it. 

Regarding the nature of thanatophobia - that is, an obsessive fear of death, neurotic, which becomes "the main thought in life" - perhaps I can offer you one idea, by analogy with social phobias and phobias in general. So, the fear of death can have three components. ... It's scary that "something will happen when ME is gone." 2. It is scary that "what will be, I will not be able to control." 3. "It shouldn't be like this !!!!! I should always be,

By the way, if a person's hysteroid indicator is significantly higher than epileptoid, and a person does not need to control everything as much as he only needs to exist, especially if he is also a hysteroid-egocentric person, he often does not feel fear of death. Because his preconsciousness, his perception as such DOES NOT ALLOW in principle the thought that when he is not there will be something else: he will die, and life seems to stop as well, so everything is all right :) And also quite often such a person has secret desires "to attend his funeral, listen to eulogies and look at the suffering that people will endure without him" - in general, gradually observe how the world "in his absence collapses and life ends, as it should be ". 

Good,By the way, adolescents with such convictions often go on demonstrative suicide, including to "punish parents who do not understand him."

 Like, "here I go - and you will have nothing to live"! This is the case when the parents live too obviously "just for the sake of the child" (including often in fact the child does not understand :)

Thus, the therapeutic methods of work with the fear of death begins with the diagnosis - the fear of death, or you Thanatophobia How to distinguish phobia from fear, we have already said. 

How to work with the fear of death (at least in the first approximation) - I will tell you below. And how to work with phobia - directly in the psychotherapist's office.

* * *

I also heard such an opinion about the fear of death and death in general: ": For example, a person achieves something, grows, becomes better, but as a result everything flies into the 'trash can', as he dies:"

 Honestly, not I would begin to formulate so categorically: "it dies, and therefore everything that has been done flies into the basket."

 A person often leaves many, many after himself! He passes on his experience to children, students, just those close to him; makes discoveries, writes books, builds houses ... In general, it somehow changes this world, albeit a little, but still; and good, if for the best. 

So do changes for the better "go to the basket" after his death? ... But here is what one of the participants of the Master-class writes: which for some reason you pass by - why? Understand the global tasks that you set for yourself - are they real, do you need them and in what form, and why do you consider everything other than them "useless"?

Including try to teach the independence of your children, gradually, but persistently - so that your fear of death does not have such a conditional pleasantness, more than the expectation: "But what about my children without me" - because deep down you want "they are without you have never been able to at all ", and you are afraid of death in many respects because" what if the children can do without you "?!

In general, the best way to get rid of unnecessary fear of death is to concretize the tasks of life. And already with these clarified feelings - "to live and live, rushing through the years."

 Pay attention: not dragging, not crawling, but rushing: so that every day is intense, with some kind of meaning, so that the brain is busy with the problems of life, not death. Vital activity drives away the fear of death, and removes the need to use someone else's "negative" - ​​there are enough of their real tasks, and the head is tightly occupied with their implementation!

* * *

: And right there to the word about the meaning of life. Indeed, the fear of death is indirectly related to the meaning of life: in fact, these are two sides of the same coin. 

Therefore, the one who does not have a conscious meaning in life and does not suffer from this (and does not know that this meaning should be) also does not feel the fear of death: like "we will drink, we will walk, and when death comes, we will die!" And the fear of death in someone who has acquired the meaning of life may be associated with "the fear of not being able to justify it." 

Therefore, it turns out that often work with the fear of death is associated with clarifying the meaning of life - at least, what a person took for such a meaning, that he is afraid not to have time to realize it, or rather, he is not sure of the possibility of its implementation, or even this meaning in general life doesn't suit him very much?  


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